9 things I learned my first year of marriage

My wedding day was the things that dreams are made of.  I had the white dress, the beautiful flowers and wedding cake to die for.  My happily ever after was at the very beginning, and I could not wait to share that with my husband.   I thought as long as I love him and he loves me, everything in our lives would be perfect.

I WAS SO WRONG

The first year of our marriage was the most humbling experience I could’ve had. Any misconceptions I had beforehand was shattered, and God showed me way more than I could’ve imagined. I’ve learned quite a bit in my marital journey thus far and have so much more to learn. I’ve compiled a “top ten” list of things I’ve learned that I hope you too can find useful in your marriage.

Marriage is not a fairytale

It is hard work.  You have to work every day to make sure that it is on point.  There will be days where you are in love and happy.  There are also those hard, difficult days where you feel the need to give up.  There is 100% guarantee that that will happen, but there is twice as much guarantee that God will be by your side to get through it.

Marriage is not 50/50

I have heard this clichè so many times, and I once believed in also.  But in order for your marriage to strive and become stronger, that notion needs to be debunked.  Marriage is 100/100.  You both put the same and equal amount of effort to make things get stronger. How can I  only 50% of myself…what happens to the other 50%??

Being humble is a necessity

This was the hardest thing for me.  I HATE to admit when I am wrong, and I will fight to the last breath to prove my point even though I knew I was not right.  But in order for your relationship/ marriage to thrive, you have to humble your self.  The Bible states in Proverbs 11:2, When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.  I had to learn to throw my pride to the side, and my husband had to do the same.  It was tough, but we got through the years doing just that.

God is in control

Letting things consume you will overwhelm you.  I learned to let God take the lead and say that he is in control.  My husband and I will argue, and I thought it was the worse and possibly the end.  Then I would pray, and leave it in God’s hands.  it worked every time.  No matter what we may go through…the Lord got this

Praying together actually works

There is something special you hold your husband’s hand and you pray with each other and for each other.  The times that my husband and I did not get along the best, had long bouts of the terrible silence treatment, and to be honest satan-driven thoughts about seperate, more than likely, we were not on one accord with prayer.

Communication is not the key…

It’s the WHOLE lock.  This was the most valuable lesson, I think that I learned my first year.  In every marriage therapy, self-help, “get it together” book…this is probably the first thing they will tell you...PLEASE BELIEVE THEM.   I was the one that would only listen so I could have a response to give, and Andy just didn’t listen at all, lol. Both of those strategies did not work

Full support is everything

I learned this from watching my husband.  I felt I could do anything and everything because of his support.   All of my dreams and aspirations and crazy ideas,  Everything that I have done or accomplished was because He had my back 100%.  One of the million reasons why I thank God for him.

Do not sweat the small stuff

Believe me, it is not worth it.  Sometimes it is just better to let it slide like water off your back, then to let it mound into something bigger.  The last thing you want is to allow the very last hay on the camel’s back to break and destroy!

Love is a learning process

Falling in love is the easy part.  We fall in love with what our husbands or wives wants us to see.  It is the staying in love part that is difficult.   I learned that EVERY DAY, I had to make the decision of loving my husband despite my emotional feelings.  I learned to love my hubby through the pain, through the annoying habits and even through the small( or huge) arguments.   I constantly leaned on 1st  Corinthians 13:4-7:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
Easier said than done, but I used those verses as an anchor and reminder that it was my marital vow to do those things.

 

Now it’s your turn.  What were the most vital things you learned within your first year of marriage?   What is the one piece of advice that allowed your marriage to thrive year after year?  Let me know in the comments below!  I would love to hear from you

9 things I learned in my first year of marriage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13 Comments

    • joyfulchristianmomma

      Thank you Evelyn…very true. The wedding is for those who come to celebrate love. The real work starts after.

  1. ‘Communication is not the key, it’s the whole lock’! I like that. Thanks for this timely blog post. So many words of wisdom. Thanks for being willing to share your own life learned lessons. Keep the good work up

  2. I do agree that it is something that you learn. It was definitely a different experience shifting from boyfriend-girlfriend/engaged to married. It’s been a learning process and one that my husband and I have been doing together. The 100/100, I agree with completely. Things do not work when it’s 50/50.

    • joyfulchristianmomma

      Yes Lisa! You are absolutely correct! It is so important to work through things with commitment! Thanks for your comment

  3. Cherlin

    Thanks for the timely blog post! God used this post to speak to my spirit. The only thing I would add is to pray for your spouse. It’s one thing to pray together but it’s another thing to intercede for your spouse in your personal prayer time or “war room”. It’s rarely talked about but I believe it’s essential to a successful marriage.

    • joyfulchristianmomma

      Cherlin, Thank you for your input…I will be updating this blog to add this. Yes, this is very very important. Remember when we did our 30 days of prayers for our husbands You are so right!

  4. Hi Cherlin,

    LOVE this post!!! It was the same thing for me after my wedding. You are on this high of happiness and excitement and then the bubble kinda bursts and reality sets in. Love your communication segment. That has been the key to our lasting marriage 🙂 I will keep reading your posts so keep up the great work!

  5. I love what you said about communication isn’t just the key, but the lock!! My husband and I take this one super seriously, it’s vital. Love your blog and message- God bless you mama!
    -Najah (@najahrennes on Instagram)

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